Groping???

I didn't realize that groping was a third degree felony. How does one ask Christian Slater to wait around whilst one contacts the police?? Excuse me, but could you please wait so I can have you arrested and make a name for myself??

Mormon Movies

One night last week I went out to rent a movie due to the limit of my Netflix (which I just increased to six at a time BTW). There wasn't much at the Hollywood Video I hadn't seen. I wandered through the titles aimlessly, searching for the perfect flick. From the corner of my eye I saw a movie that had won three awards for BEST PICTURE at unheard of film festivals.

I noticed the somewhat hot guy on the cover as I reached for the case. I turned the movie over to read the back; It sounded pretty amusing to me. The battle between small town Mormons and small town Baptists--what could be better than that???

When I got home I watched the previews and was surprised to a HUGE number of Mormon-y type movies. Now, I'm not a Mormon hater, and I don't know much about the religion, but it seemed like Mormon overload. Wasn't the fact that they had the hotel room market cornered enough??? Now they were invading my private home with their religious zeal.

Needless to say, I did watch the entire movie, but was surprised that the kissing that did occur in the movie, did not happen until after the engagement. THEY WERE ENGAGED BEFORE THEIR FIRST KISS!!!! So not only do I now know that I really don't want to be a Mormon, I also won't be renting films that win unheard of film festivals.

If there are any Mormons reading, I apologize for my rudeness, you know how us Catholics are!

FIRE!!!!!

I had an "incident" the other morning. It was Sunday morning, I was watching a $1 movie from the grocery store because I had already sent back my Netflix. I thought hashbrowns sounded good for breakfast. I put some oil in a pan and went back to watching my movie. I became so engrossed in the movie until my smoke detector started beeping.

I quickly ran into the kitchen and pulled the pan off the stove. As I was holding it, the oil in the pan burst into flames. I blew on the flames (a big no no BTW). The flames got bigger and bigger. I ran outside and threw the pan on the cement. I ran inside, grabbed the fire extinguisher, pulled the pin, ran back to the pan, and pulled the trigger.

I think it's important to inform everyone that during moments of extreme stress, it's important to maintain composure. Anyway, after I pulled the trigger, I was treated to a burst of fire extinguisher shit in my face. It went up my nose, in my mouth, and in my hair. Thank goodness I wear glass, otherwise it would have been in my eyes. I twisted the extinguisher in the right direction, push the button again, and was treated to a scorched pan sans flames.

I freaked out about the shit I sprayed in my face. I called my mom, who told me to call 911. I called 911 and they said they would send someone over. I started to freak out. I thought the shit was toxic and it would be my last day. I would never see my Netflix movies lined up in my queue.

I started to cry, not only for my Netflix, but also my parents, the Toblerone in my fridge, my friends, and my future husband (who will never have any idea what he is missing out on). By the time the paramedics showed up, I had spit up a great deal of the shit in my mouth. There was tons of it coming out my nose. The crying had stimulated the gland that helps the formation of snot bubbles. The HOT (and I do mean HOT) paramedics were more amused by my situation then concerned. I'm sure they really appreciated the snot bubbles. They assured me that as long as none of the shit had gotten in my eyes, I would be fine.

I was embarrassed and upset. Why did the paramedics have to be HOT. I volunteer in the ER of one of the hospitals and the EMT's are never that hot. Anyway, I threw the pan out. I went shopping and got a larger, better fry pan.

I also vow to find a situation where the hottie paramedics will see me all pretty one day. It will happen, this I swear.

Technology is Amazing

Scientists were able to recreate facial constructions of King Tut. Many questions pop into my mind about this amazing discovery. The most puzzling is did King Tut really have those pouty lips and well manicure eyebrows?